Ichi Ichi Naruto
by Acaykath
Summary: In order to stop Jiraiya's peeping so he can get more ramen and training, Naruto decides to write a book so Jiraiya will lose his position as the most popular writer. Fanfiction writers would do well to learn from Naruto's mistakes.
1. Chapter 1

**Ichi Ichi Naruto**

This fanfic is inspired by Icha Icha Paradise (Jiraiya's Book Series) and  
the plethora of bad fanfictions out there. Each chapter will teach a  
lesson about writing good fanfiction while attempting to maintain  
a coherent storyline. I encourage you to share your pet peeves about  
fanfictions and I'll try to find a way to add them to the story. This story  
will cover writing lemons as well as every other aspect of writing,  
thus why it is rated mature. If you notice any mistakes at all, (not  
including the ones in Naruto's writing) inform me via pm or review and  
I'll fix them immediately.

* * *

"Oi, pervert-sennin!" Naruto called out to Jiraiya.

The old man was talking to someone, but Naruto hoped that he could still get some training or at least some free ramen from the man. Before he could reach Jiraiya, he sighed in response to something his companion had said and disappeared in a puff of smoke.

"Where'd he go?" Naruto asked the man Jiraiya had been talking to.

"He said he was going to do some research."

"Peeping at the bath house is more like it," Naruto said dismissively.

"Be that as it may, his books are some of the best sellers that my company publishes," the man replied, "unfortunately he's also the hardest to keep to a deadline. I'm supposed to make sure he finishes Icha Icha Paradise Five by the deadline in three weeks, but it looks like it's going to be late again."

"He's just a pervy old man. I could write a better book than him," Naruto boasted.

"Tell you what kid," the publisher said, "If you can write a good story, then I'll publish it for you. You'll make plenty of money and maybe you'll even replace Jiraiya as the bestselling author."

"Then the pervy sage wouldn't have an excuse to ogle women, and he could spend more time training me and buying me ramen!" Naruto smiled at the thought. It would only take one good story and he would be on his way to being a better, more ramen-filled ninja. He quickly leapt up onto the rooftops and raced off to buy supplies.

* * *

Naruto returned to find the publisher sitting at Ichiraku's. He was eating a bowl of ramen.

"Okay! I'm ready to start," Naruto announced as he sat next to the man, "you mind covering my lunch? All this stuff was pretty expensive." He had a stack of paper as well as a couple of pens and a bottle of ink.

"Sure kid," the publisher chuckled. If nothing else, the book would be good for a laugh. That was well worth a bowl of ramen.

"I'll have the usual!" Naruto called out.

"Thirty bowls coming up!" The old man behind the counter called. His daughter began to scoop noodles into the cooking pot.

"You can't be serious!" The publisher was amazed at the thought that so much food could fit into such a small body.

"Naruto can really pack it away," the old man said, "his order used to be fifty, but Iruka wasn't able to afford treating the kid anymore." He laughed loudly. "This kid keeps me in business."

The publisher checked his wallet nervously, wondering if he could afford Naruto's eating habits. Almost as soon as the first bowl was placed in front of Naruto, the bowl's contents were slurped up noisily.

"What should I write about?" Naruto asked the publisher. He still had noodles hanging from his mouth as he spoke.

"It's your book, what do you think would be interesting?" The publisher asked, much to Naruto's annoyance. Naruto grunted and then rubbed his head vigorously, as if he could massage his brain into working.

"I could write about giant robots that fight each other with super-powerful jutsu!"

"I'm not a ninja, but I'm pretty sure that you can't perform jutsu without chakra."

"How about a story about a guy with super powers? He could be really strong, super fast, and could blow things up with a single touch." Naruto asked excitedly.

"Sounds like you're talking about a ninja," the publisher replied, "It's good to write about what you know. It takes a lot of research to write about something you don't know."

Naruto sighed. He hadn't even realized that he had been talking about ninjas. Now that he thought about it though, he was everything that he had described and more. That gave him a great idea. "I'll write about myself, Konoha's number one ninja!" He shouted as he slurped up the last of his ramen. "Thanks for lunch!" He grinned and disappeared with his writing supplies, leaving the publisher to pay his bill.

* * *

**Lessons:**

Write about what you know, or take the time to do proper research, if you don't want to sound like a complete imbecile.


	2. Chapter 2

No one was at Team Seven's usual training ground, so Naruto decided that it would be the perfect place to begin his story. He sat against a target post and he began writing:

_ Naruto is the ultimate ninja in the village of konoha and will become hokage. there is also a girl in konoha more beautiful than any onther and she is named sakura. she would be madly in love with me if that stupid sasuke didn't always interfere._

"Naruto. Are you alright?" Sakura asked. She had come to the training ground to practice her jutsus. She had become concerned when she had found Naruto with his nose in a paper, which was very unlike the Naruto she knew.

"I'm fine," Naruto responded casually.

"What are you doing?" She was intrigued to discover that something other that food or training could occupy his thoughts for any length of time.

"Jiraiya's publisher is in town. He wants me to replace Jiraiya, so I've got to write a book better than him."

"Let me see," Sakura said sceptically. She doubted that anyone would want Naruto writing for them and assumed that he had misunderstood what the publisher had said. It was a good opportunity for her though. As long as Naruto was writing, he would not be bothering her.

"This is... Horrible. How can you expect anyone to read this?" Sakura shuddered in horror at what she had just read.

"It's a great story," Naruto defended indignantly, "besides, it's not done yet."

"How can you write a book if you can't even write properly?" Sakura asked, "Look at this. You didn't capitalize Konoha , Sakura or Sasuke. You have to capitalize all the names and first letters of every sentence." Sakura began to scratch letters off the paper and replaced them with her own.

_Naruto is the ultimate ninja in the village of Konoha and will become hokage. There is also a girl in Konoha more beautiful than any onther and she is named Sakura. She would be madly in love with me if that stupid Sasuke didn't always interfere._

"That's a little bit better. Don't you agree Naruto?"

"I guess," Naruto said.

"Look here," Sakura told him as she pointed to a word on the paper, "You misspelled another and you used the pronoun me, when you were referring to the Naruto character in the third person. This could still be a lot better."

_Naruto is the ultimate ninja in the village of Konoha and will become hokage. There is also a girl in Konoha more beautiful than any other and she is named Sakura. She would be madly in love with him if that stupid Sasuke didn't always interfere._

* * *

**CH2 Lessons**

Spell correctly. If you cannot spell, you cannot write. Get yourself a dictionary or use or Google for words that you are unsure of.

Capitalize the first letter of every sentence, and the first letter of every proper noun. Proper nouns include all names of people, places, languages, and cardinal directions, and trademarks. Even the names of objects can be proper nouns; while cookie is a common noun, Oreo is a proper noun. Learn to recognize them and capitalize them.

Make sure to refer to all characters in the third person, unless you are voicing their thoughts. Not me, not you, but: him, her, he, she, it, them, they, etc...

* * *


End file.
